Are forms of “giving-up-XYZ-for-Lent” the most pastorally astute habits for women schooled in self-emptying? What are the most apt Lenten practices for women who have already been habituated to submit? And for that matter how might men think about and practice Lent differently given the realities of women’s lives? In short, given the realities of women’s lives today what ought Lenten practices look like?
These questions came up for me early this morning, Ash Wednesday, as I watched this video posted on my Facebook page:
Would it be appropriate for me to recommend and discuss this video, this (clever/sexy) appeal for women’s equality, as Christians begin the work of following Jesus toward the cross? Would students and colleagues perceive it as a power-grab, as a wrong-headed suggestion that women should seek worldly gain rather than lose themselves in Jesus?
I was lecturing years ago on Thomas Aquinas’s understanding of virtue as the mean between two extremes, and on the various penitential practices for graced habituation. Some of the precious students looking back at me had told me during office hours that they were struggling with self-cutting and/or anorexia, and a few of them were also in abusive relationships with young men who were not only not worth these women’s beautiful time, but who also had no interest in truly loving these women in their gorgeous vulnerability.
I might have stuck my nose back into my notes, and plowed forward, but I just couldn’t. I stopped the planned lecture and improvised.
I suggested, totally off the cuff, that women who struggle with anorexia should eat chocolate covered strawberries every day of Lent. People laughed a bit, but I warmed to the idea. As a Lenten practice, in order to habituate toward the mean of temperance, some women, and perhaps some men too, might need to eat exactly what they fear, but should love, in order to open themselves to God’s blessing in their student kitchenettes.
I stopped there, but I probably should have continued. I should have talked to them about how ritually submitting to male authority was likely to keep them stuck with a mere mortal, rather than lead them to the Word made flesh. But, it was a beginning.
It was years later that one of these young women contacted me to tell me a story. Her senior pastor had opened his Lenten sermon series with a call to fast. He had recently read a book on discipline and holiness, or something along those lines, and had determined, evidently, that the entire congregation needed to take to heart the call to fast toward holiness.
She wrote to me because she remembered that, during a follow-up conversation after my lecture on strawberries, I had suggested that she bake cookies for herself every day of Lent. I had recommended, evidently, that she treat herself to cookies as a Lenten practice. She further explained that this had been a time of healing for her, a time of unexpected grace, and that, in her own ministry, she was trying hard to discern how to attend to the different needs of the different people in her care.
Not everyone is in the same place. People are sinful in original ways. This certainly is an aspect of what the doctrine of “original sin” means. And so, to meet Jesus in grace during Lent will mean different practices for different people. And, in a deeply patriarchal world, wherein women are taught from their first year to bite their tongue and offer their food, it will take some truly wise and discerning pastors to determine how best to guide their parishioners through Lent.
Given how many evangelical pastors seem intent not to attend to and truly counter the habituation of worldly power, I am not terribly hopeful about how Lent is going down this year in many churches in the evangelical world.
Will pastors recommend to the men in their congregation that they wash all the dishes every day during Lent, even if this means that they will have to wake up a bit earlier and go to bed a bit later, perhaps even (shudder) without watching their favorite show on hulu?
Will they recommend that women in their congregation risk the appearance of sloth by taking a bubble bath rather than fast?
Will they call the silenced to speak, and tell the loud to shut their mouths? Will they risk offending, but talking about domestic violence from the pulpit?
I am going to try an annoying practice for Lent. Be prepared. I am going to say or post something feminist every day for Lent. I am going to risk appearing a bit more like stunning-007, even if it means I am mistaken for a worldly liberal or a white lady with a license to kill. I am going to note the grave discrepancies that the video names. I am going to remind colleagues that our refusal to name difference in social location has real consequences as our students leave here and pastor real people with real bodies.
And, may I suggest, dear brothers, that you consider, once a day during Lent, what it might look like to live into a savior who saves us inside of a female body? Might I suggest, dear brothers, that you risk walking, in drag, toward the Cross?
*Amy Laura Hall is Associate Professor of Christian Ethics at Duke University Divinity School. She is the author most recently of Conceiving Parenthood: American Protestantism and the Spirit of Reproduction. And besides all of this, she’s a fantastic colleague at Duke.
{ 9 trackbacks }
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this so much.
Amy,
This is a challenging and lovely meditation. I was/am very moved by your story about teaching and “pastoring” your students. I am a minister (and a PhD student in theology at Nottingham under John Milbank), so I appreciate your challenge as a challenge to me. I will let this nuance how I teach about lent.
Generally, I challenge people to give something up like television, because of how much time is wasted on it as opposed to doing more creative things. I almost always see lent as a way to simplify life by removing something…your challenges simplifies life by adding something good. Again, thank you.
What a beautiful post about redemption. Thank you, it gives me so much to think about as I move forward.
Thanks for this; it’s a blessing.
Great video, and an important meditation. Let’s just make sure the chocolate we’re choking down for Lent is fairly-traded, ok? Although the discipline of posting something feminist every day is one you seem to already have taken up some time ago (brava!), I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to ‘name it and claim it’.
omg. i don’t generally read blogs but am so glad that a friend passed on this one. as a woman who has dared to face self-abnegation as a very real consequence of systematic patriarchy, i thank you amy. such brilliant, provoking writing that moved me to tears. and i thank you, carter for daring to post this. would love to hear carter’s thoughts on the matter as well.
I have been torn with my idea of what to sacrifice for Lent this year. I eat very healthily, exercise, and live a fairly simple life style already. To take something out seemed ineffective, silly even. To fast from something in order to spend time in prayer and spiritual growth needs to have power, purpose, not just as a practice to say I did it. This morning, I only semi-seriously told someone that I would give up self-defeating thoughts for Lent. I thought that doing so seemed not only nearly impossible, but not really an action that one should practice for something so holy as Lent. Now that I read your post, I feel affirmed, and ready to take on the challenge. So, this year for Lent, I’m giving up self-defeating thoughts and lies. I’m going to practice loving myself just as much as I want others to know love. Thanks for the post, I’m looking forward to reading more of these during the coming weeks.
Thank you so much, dear people, for gracious words and courage to receive joy. Thank you so much, dear Jay Carter, for asking me to write this. Thank you, dear Mindy M, for sending me the link, and to Chris G, Matt E, Alan C, and Christopher K for your quick, candid (!) responses to my query. Yes, fair trade chocolate. Yes, no self-cruel, self-defeating thoughts and words. Yes, put “I’m sorry” on hold as an automatic response to each and every possible failing. Save it for the big stuff. Jesus will not let me go. Hanging on, or letting go, God has me. To borrow from one of my favorite poems, by Denise Levertov, I am held safe in God’s pierced palm. There are other words to receive for Lent, but these are words that some of us need to hear, and too often do not hear. Peace.
Wait, wait! I want to be a pastor, too. But, I’m stuck in the wilderness,AL! While I’m watching for the snakes and scorpions out here in the wilderness this year, you keep sending out words to help me find a way to spread the good news. Love the article. Check out my new blog post. 23acres.bloodspot.com Love you &admire you,kiddo!
Thanks so much for this. I teach at a women’s college; this is so, so important for young women (heck, ALL women) to hear. Thank you and thank you.
I think I see what you’re trying to do with your thoughts, but I don’t see anything acheived by this. Chocolate Strawberries and bubble baths will not do anything for women. I have no problem with sweets or relaxation. But it is a mistake to substitute self indulgence for spiritual discipline. I think both are good and both are important. I don’t think they are the same. Receiving grace is not the same as doing the work of repentance.
At our church for Lent 2011, we will attempt mountain-moving prayers (Matthew 17:20-21). I am challenging our church to pray enormous prayers in an effort to stand up to enormous evil. We’ve identified 7 issues, and the plight of women in the world is one. We believe the mountaint God will move is the mountain of persecution of women (especially in places like Afghanistan & Iran). To me this is far more empowering and effective than a woman settling back in her comfy bathrobe with a glass of wine. Again, I am not opposed to simple pleasures. I am very much in favor of them. I just think it silly and self-centered to mistake treating one’s self for a spiritual discipline. The whole notion of walking in drag to the cross is ridiculous. Lent is supposed to be about Jesus, not about my suffering. Lent is supposed to be about recognition of my need for Jesus, not my need for my pain to be acknowledged.
By the way, I am a man, and I do all the laundry at my house, wash the dishes most of the time, take out the trash, and get up early with our early-riser 4-year-old so my wife can sleep in. I do this 90% of the time. The only reasons I don’t cook are I am terrible at it and my wife refuses to let me. Oh, and one of our church’s associate pastors is a woman and she preaches often.
Well, I am giving up chocolate for Lent, but not just for the reason of self-denial. I was surprised to find out how the production of our chocolate bars depends on child labour and oftentimes child slavery. So I’m contemplating a Christian response to the devastating truth about chocolate.
If you want to find out more or join me in thinking through a Christian response, please see:
Giving up chocolate for Lent, maybe for life by Ken Symes
As a female and a Christian I grew up learning to put everybody else first. Those values of service, sacrifice and submission shaped me from my early years – and in later years led me into paths that were harmful to my own well-being because self-denial was such a pervasive message that I received. I like Ms. Hall’s emphasis on Aquinas’ sense of virtue as a mean between two extremes. Practicing more self-denial or focusing on suffering have not been terribly meaningful spiritual disciplines for me. I don’t find them to be liberating – and I think Jesus’ love was all about setting people free and seeking their well-being.
I am intrigued with the possibility that practicing a counterbalance to self-destructive behaviors might actually be part of our practice of spiritual growth and steer us toward the path of walking in the Way of Jesus Christ. I think the strawberries and bubble baths are not about self-indulgence but rather self-affirmation. For those who have never valued themselves or their own voice this could be a much needed balance.
Jesus shared a meal with so many people as part of his ministry. He even supported his hungry disciples plucking grain to eat on the Sabbath when they were hungry. I could see him walking into someone’s kitching, putting on an apron and helping stir up some cookies . . .
I am not one to normally post on blogs. However, I do find this quite a different way of looking at lent, and I quite like it. Last year prior to lent, 40 people in our church were asked to write 250 words on 4 different Bible verses that had been given to us. These were then published, and handed out to everybody in the church. The lenten challenge was to add in daily devotions, some of which were poems, some were stories, some were describing in modern terms what the verses meant. It was a really interesting and powerful way to connect to the community in the church.
The idea of adding in ‘self-indulgences’, like chocolate strawberries and bubble baths, during lent is not something that comes from linear thought. No, it is an idea that comes from a more complex place of understanding people and their nature – that we are not all the same. There are a lot of people that deal with so many pressures in their daily lives that they do not allow themselves these pleasures – they take too much time, they are frivolous and there are a million other things that need to be done. I actually think the idea is quite brilliant as our bodies are sacred and I think that we do not give them enough rest.
I am not trying to start a feud on the post, though I do want to mention one last thing. Rob, I’m not sure how many anorexics you may have encountered in your life, but I have met quite a few, and was one myself for more years than I would like to admit. It is a disease of discipline – the lenten fast does not last merely over lent. Think about how healing it could be if a person with anorexia gave up their control over food for lent, allowing their body to have all of the nutrients they had been depriving themselves. It may not last, but it may be a step toward finding peace within themselves, and may provide some strength toward overcoming their disease. In their case, eating chocolate covered strawberries each day of lent would be a great achievement. I understand this post to be about assessing yourself, finding what it is that you need to do, add in or give up for lent that would bring you closer to God. It would be brilliant if we could all achieve that over this lenten season. Thank you for your post Amy.
I think my post showed insensitivity to people dealing with anorexia. It is real. It is serious. The people, men and women, who battle eating disorders need to receive grace and love. I had a good friend, a guy, who dealt with an eating disorder. I know how powerful eating disorders are.
So I want to acknowledge my own lack of experience.
Our church emphasizes being a “safe place.” In this type forum, a blog where ideas are shared, I am somewhat blunt, and I am that way so that my ideas will be clear. But as I reflect on this, maybe my ideas aren’t as clear as I thought. Maybe I should go back to the theme that drives our church – safe space, especially for women who have experienced the struggles Professor Carter and some of the responders have identified. We (and especially me as senior pastor) need to set a safe atmosphere that cares for people and acknowledges what they are going through.
I think Lent is supposed to draw us to Jesus and to magnify Him. People need healing and to be forgiven and made whole as a part of the process of walking to Jesus and walking in Christ and in the Holy Spirit with the Spirit in them. So, I can see how, for someone with an eating disorder, defeating that disorder is in line with giving mastery of life to Jesus. I really can see that.
I challenged our church to pray against injustice and to pray against suffering. Perhaps a Lenten Mustard-seed sized mountain moving prayer is that more women, especially women suffering patriarchal, 3rd world dictatorships would experience the truth that makes one free, the truth that only comes when one walks with Jesus. Perhaps this community that is rallying around Professor Carter’s blog post can add to other Lenten practices the discipline of praying with the radical belief that God will answer with answers that bring Him glory, declare the kingdom of God, and liberate people in ways a chocolate strawberry never could.
This year, I am giving up “mistrust of life and love” for Lent.
We oversimplify this idea of sacrifice.
It is meant to be deeper than physical food. It is meant to be about spiritual craving, spiritual over-eating etc.
As someone who has struggled with eating and body image disorders, perhaps rather than encouraging overeating of some decadent treat, we could encourage one another to give up the self-loathing that leads to these illnesses to begin with.
Thank you for this. I can’t really express how it made feel but to say thank you.
As woman, it is rare for me to go an entire day without thinking “I’m fat” or “I need to exercise more” or I need to work on X, Y, or Z to help me alter my appearance for the better. I am a Christian and a seminarian, and yet there are many days that I question my identity as beautiful and as a child of God.
When I eat with my girlfriends, someone always makes an excuse as to what workout, bad day, etc that justifies choosing a more fattening item off of the menu, and often I do not order what I actually want to eat to avoid the guilt of eating something unhealthy or high in calories and fat. I and many of my friends are guilty year after year of giving up sweets, chocolate, ice cream, etc for Lent, but not chiefly to bring me closer to the Cross, rather having a “religious” reason to diet. Thus, I don’t think the decision to eat chocolate everyday for Lent is a self-indulgence, rather I think there is a lot of power and hope in that.
Unless you have witnessed or endured the pain and destruction that comes from an eating disorder, I am not sure you can truly celebrate the power of counteracting that. Sometimes as a woman I think my life is shaped more by my self-denial, than by self-care. People praise me for my willingness to sacrifice so much of myself for others, and I believe as Christians we are called to do that. But at what point does self-denial become self-destructive? I have witnessed too many women fall into self-destructive habits due to pressures to self-deny and uphold the image of a “Christian woman”. It is a battle I know well because I fight it every day.
Thank you, Amy, for writing this blog. I so believe that soul care for men and women during this Lenten season, as well as through the year, is very different. A book written concerning this idea is “The Feminine Soul” by Janet Davis, and is a great read. As she suggests in this book, “the specific spiritual gifts of women have been neglected and underdeveloped through centuries of one-size-fits-all church teaching and interpretations of the Bible by men.”
Writing this post is an actual act of repentance for me, for you see, I am repenting of my usual silence . . .my nodding or agreeing just to avoid conflict . . .my peace at all costs and most of the time the cost is to me, and to who I really am . . .who God has made me to be. As Davis writes, “As I continue to grow, I find that rediscovering and recovering my voice is one of the greatest challenges I face.”
For Lent, I plan on giving up with Kyla above, my self defeating thoughts, and am replacing these thoughts with reading and reciting ALOUD Scriptures that tell me who I am as a new creation in Christ! I want to hear God’s words, as “faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17) I pray that there is a lot of strengthening of this vessel . . .this feminine vessel, from which I desire the love of God to spill to all . . .including myself!
Thanks again for your post!
Rebecca,
I affirm this, and love that your desire is for God’s love to spill over to all. I think, that as we grow in our confidence of God’s love for us, other people will take note and be set free as well. May grace and peace be with you on your journey.
This is an excellent post. Thank you.
It is not only women with an eating disorder who may need to practice a different sort of spiritual discipline in order to do the Lenten work of repentance. I have never been anorexic; my body image struggles are in rather the opposite direction. Nevertheless I am quite familiar with the pain of self-rejection and self-criticism that Laura-Allan has described so well. The moment I recognized that this insidious habit of mine was, in fact, sin and something to be resisted, even to be denied, was one of life-transforming revelation. It is that moment still which speaks to me most deeply of the grace of repentance as a gift from God. It enabled me to see clearly for the first time that something I habitually and unthinkingly did was actually a choice which greatly displeased God and caused me much harm. The insight came accompanied by an astonishing paradigm shift that allowed me to see from God’s perspective how deeply wrong and grievously rebellious was my insistence on despising and punishing myself for failures that offended only my own pride. It was a shock to recognize how I expected and demanded of myself levels of perfection and self-sufficiency that I would never have thought it appropriate to require of any other human being. The needs of others were perfectly legitimate and understandable to me, but as far as I was concerned, none of mine were acceptable. Even more shocking was how much of what I had taken in as Christianity had actually reinforced my practice of this sin. I began to see everywhere – as though scales had been removed from my eyes – how my social situation as a Christian woman was implicated in this sinful pattern. Messages I frequently heard from spiritual leaders extolling self-denial, painful sacrifice and submission as attitudes that would please God and earn me spiritual approval only fed the sickness of my soul and limited my intimacy with God and others. Perhaps those are messages that some may need to hear sometimes, but I needed a different correction.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned in seminary was the importance of self care, not just for endurance in ministry, but for the safety and well-being of those I have been called to serve. That is very much about my dependence on Jesus and my need to draw sustenance from my relationship with him in order to resist the constant temptation to find life elsewhere. So yes, I can see how a Lenten practice that could be misjudged as self indulgent or “seek[ing] worldly gain” might be a very effective spiritual discipline focused on repentance for someone who needs to give up self-condemnation and learn to love and care for herself. Professor Hall shows sensitivity in attending to the different needs that people may have and in writing about spiritual discipline from an often neglected perspective. As I read her blog post, a thought returned to me that I believe had been whispered to me by the Holy Spirit already this week: I should give up self-criticism for Lent. I have been thinking about that for weeks now, and I appreciate this blog post for reminding me of it in a way that will help me to keep it in focus for this season.
I must admit that the final sentence was rather jarring and could have put me off appreciating a post that I had up to that point really connected with in a productive way. Watching the video clip helped me to understand her last paragraph as an invitation, particularly to brothers in Christ and especially to those who are pastors, to consider that the needs of women may be different than they expect and are used to addressing. In that context, “walking, in drag, toward the cross” is an invitation to try to put themselves in the place of women and experience the message of Lent in a different and possibly helpful way.
Wow. Thank you, dear people, for your careful words. And, yes, the last sentence was meant to be a bit jarring. Perhaps I have read too much Kierkegaard in my adult life. I am so glad that the video helped to clarify that I don’t expect all men to dress in a dress for Lent. Although kilts are good, right?
Some people have sent me facebook notes also re. how this post connects to other ways that women have been brave in what seems to count more clearly as the “political” sphere. With loads of other women and many men, I don’t think there are separate spheres (see Amy Kaplan), but, regardless, if you are interested in my short reflections on women and political engagement, perhaps see these (they are short):
http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2011-02/ill-behaved-women
http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2010-10/other-duke-list
http://blog.sojo.net/2011/02/16/come-together-to-combat-torture/
Brilliant! Thank you. And good luck with your daily feminist writing/posting. We need it.
Ought there be a counter-invitation as well? Let the women all wear suits and eat red meat every day of Lent; watch a John Wayne movie; wax a car!
One of the enjoyable things about being a pastor is that I am expected to behave in ways our society would normally code as feminine. But then, my church is much more interesting on matters of gender than my graduate education would have me believe. Men cook and even clean here! Women are outspoken, many hold positions of authority within the church and in the community. Anarchy! So perhaps I am already starting my Daniel Craig vision quest…
On the other side of the coin, American rates of obesity, hypertension, cardiac events, and diabetes lead me to believe that reaching for more chocolate might not be the solution. Especially for pastors. The Duke endowment is about to spend a lot of money to help all of us fat clergy to live better (see spiritedlife.org). Surely fasting is a spiritual (and bodily) discipline with some stock left?
And yes, real men do wear kilts.
I know very few women in my life who have been “taught to submit” in any sense of those words.
Dear Anon,
I would bet that some of those women, or girls, had very good fathers or other men in their lives, who taught them to be brave.
I know in my own family, my daughters learned from their father to ask big questions about politics at the dinner table, for example. Their father also taught them to ask little questions, like how grasshopper legs work. They are two very courageous and often “ill-behaved” little girls. Ask their grandparents, who sometimes aren’t sure that we have done right by them. I wrote a bit on this for another venue. JuJu reminds me of our little one, who has a similarly infectious smile. Her father asks her to answer big questions like this father does. For that, I am very, very grateful:
http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2011-02/ill-behaved-women
Peace to you, this holy weekend.
Amy Laura
What a wonderful post (even if I’m a year late reading it). But it’s a call of grace. I’ve learned so much about grace lately, there is NOT enough penitence that we can do to earn God’s favor. I’ve always known Grace, but it’s only recently that I’ve truly felt it and understood what it really means. Thank you. I needed this reminder today.
Thank you for your Lenten thought. It has made me rethink the season of Lent.
I’m just finishing a film about a remarkable woman, who will be 99 very soon. I am hoping that the screening of this film will inspire women, girls to move through your frightening statistics. I hope to use it in places where the women and girls will be inspired to move into their own self-confidence and maybe also their own self-defense. Please if you have a moment have a look at this link: http://festival.caamedia.org/30/guide/program/mrs-judo-be-strong-be-gentle-be-beautiful/
I’d love to connect with you at some point.
Thank you for your words, your thoughts, your chocolate.
Yuriko
I wanted tho thank you for this blog and share that it was, in part, a catalyst for my first Lenten blog this year: http://ucim.org/2012/02/blog-a-deacons-musing-lent-the-fast/ Thanks for sharing your voice & challenges!
In faith,
Richard